Lucky Man

[coalescent]

So - I've got a job. I start at the end of january, on a three-month contract. The position is 'assistant editor', which seems to be shorthand for 'office filing monkey'; but at least the papers to be filed will be interesting, and in this profession it seems to be all about getting the expereience.

The 'second interview' was remarkably non-interview-like, in that I was walked into a room and a woman handed me a piece of paper with my job description on it. I'm still not entirely sure why they couldn't tell me over the phone, but it was certainly a pleasant surprise. It did make me think I'm leading something of a charmed life, though.

I get this feeling every so often because, when it comes down to it, nothing important in my life has ever gone wrong, and a great deal has gone right. For example: I got into Oxford. I found OUSFG. I got a good degree. I got what was, effectively, the first job I made a concerted effort to get. My parents are still together. I didn't have to worry about money whilst at university. I don't really have to worry about money now, to the point where although the car is a write-off (the news came in today), I can afford to get one sorted out by january. And you know what? People seem to quite like me. I'm damned if I can figure it out.

And so on. And it feels lucky, because the margin of success in many cases has been small. I got AAB in my A-levels. I was a ridiculously small percentage over the 2.1 boundary in my finals. I inherited money from an extremely generous great-aunt, and I get the distinct impression my parents have put my financial comfort above their own.

Maybe I just forget all the bad things that have happened to me. I'm sure there must have been some; for instance, I've got this vague sense that last year, I wasn't all that happy with my life. Right now, though, things are peachy, and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only thing that's even a blip on the radar is the lack of romance, and most of the time that seems so trivial that it's not worth getting seriously worked up about. Deep down, I have enough self-confidence to think that if I ever actually got around to, y'know, asking girls that I like out, they might not all laugh in my face.

But I do get twinges of guilt about all this good fortune, especially when - as was the case at work today - others begin comparing their lists o' pain.

Comments

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

you are lucky, don't feel guilt.
my life is shit, but i don't wish it upon anyone else :)

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

sorry, had to hit send before i could finish my message (i got interrupted).

but my (not very) philosophical view of things, is that some people have very fortunate lives and others live the opposite. however, it's not something to feel guilt about should be one of the lucky ones - you should just be thankful.
conversely, i don't think it does me any good to run around being embittered all the time.
things are as they are, guilt isn't necessary.

[pikelet.livejournal.com]

>For example: I got into Oxford.

Check.

>I found OUSFG.

I'll leave you alone on that one, methinks :)

>I got a good degree.

Sorta-check.

>I got what was, effectively, the first job I made a concerted effort to get.

You bastard.

>My parents are still together.

You bastard.

>I didn't have to worry about money whilst at university.

You bastard.

>I don't really have to worry about money now, to the point where although
>the car is a write-off (the news came in today), I can afford to get one
>sorted out by january.

You bastard.

>And you know what? People seem to quite like me.

Well, I think you're an utter bastard.

>I'm damned if I can figure it out.

I can - you're a jammy bastard.

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

>I got what was, effectively, the first job I made a concerted effort to get.

You bastard.

>My parents are still together.

You bastard.

>I didn't have to worry about money whilst at university.

You bastard.

WORD! ;)

>I'm damned if I can figure it out.

I can - you're a jammy bastard.


heehee :)

[tizzle-b.livejournal.com]

And I say "Same here" for that - managed to make me laugh in work, the amount of boredom the laugh has to break through I can't begin to explain.

Niall? Some people say that luck balances itself out over life. For future reference: You poor bastard.

[malenfant.livejournal.com]

Well, I think you're an utter bastard.

How reassuring.

Ho.

[mattia.livejournal.com]

Hmm..

I don't see why you'd have to feel guilty about anything. Realise that you've been lucky, sure, be glad about it, for certain. But guilty for not having a great big list o' pain? Nah..

I'd say I'm in a pretty similar position, really: did well, but not spectacularly at school (to cries of 'but you could do so much better if only you worked a little harder!') no real financial troubles (my only 'problems' are luxury 'problems', as it were), I'm studying what I want to be studying, my family's just fine (despite the fact we're sort of spread over three different countries), love life's only strain is the fact the relationship's long distance.

Do I feel guilty? Not particularly. At times self-concious, when I hear what a number of my friends have to deal with? Quite certainly. It's a bit of a reversal for me, because at school, well, I was distinctly average, perhaps sub-average in terms of 'well-offness', because International/American schools are crammed with dimplomat's kids, multinational management kids, and generally people who can afford to pay stupidly high tuition fees. Company paid ours, otherwise, not a chance of going there. It was something I was very aware of, but it only really hit home when I got to NL, to uni.

Strange conversations have happend, though; people telling me I should get a loan, because it's easier on my parents (bollocks; they pay for my uni-related stuff, my food, and the government pays my rent) and it builds character (double bollocks..I suppose it does, but it's not my idea of a wise way of doing it) and I can pay it off anyway when I have a job (valid point, but why start there?)

...that got rambly and pointless, didn't it? Sorry 'bout that.

[malenfant.livejournal.com]

Strange conversations have happend, though

I think I've had all of those. Every so often, I do meet someone who thinks it's my sovereign duty to make my own life as hard as possible so that everyone around me benefits. Especially them.

Re:

[mattia.livejournal.com]

Aheh. Well, in my case, it wasn't so much that they would benefit. The person arguing this with me is sort of a left-wing, pretty damn socialist politically and socially 'active' person, with job to match.

Me? I'm more liberal. Bit more centrist. Slightly selfish in a number of ways, but to a degree I consider healthy, not bad in any way. Call it self-interested moderated by a healthy dose of social awareness/responsibility. Just that I'm too cynical to be more socialist. Or something.

[tinyjo.livejournal.com]

I get this feeling every so often because, when it comes down to it, nothing important in my life has ever gone wrong

I know exactly what you mean! Every now and then I get the heebie jeebies because I've achieved all the things I wanted to do when I was 8 (go to Oxford/Cambridge - the only 2 uni's I knew the name of, have plenty of money to spend on toys, be an independant career woman stylee thing - well it was the 80's)! Plus, I go one better than you because I've had the monstrously good luck to end up with Alex into the bargain. I feel sure I wrote a post a couple of months ago about waiting for the other karmic shoe to drop, but now I can't find it :( And then I feel vaguly guilty for bouncing around in front of Alex and co being excited about how well everything goes for me. I'm amazed I haven't been beaten up yet :)

[greengolux.livejournal.com]

I get this feeling every so often because, when it comes down to it, nothing important in my life has ever gone wrong

> I know exactly what you mean!

Same here. Even friends of mine who've had lives just as fortunate as I have (parents still together, oxbridge, no real financial worries,) consider me to live a charmed life and claim that I always land on my feet.

Guess we should just count our blessings!

[ex-toastie256.livejournal.com]

your good fortune, if that is what it is, is more of a comfort to me than something to be jealous of. it's nice to see someone actually getting what they deserve for a change.

and if you feel guilty about being well off, be good and do something charitable. there's always someone who deserves your help.

[malenfant.livejournal.com]

and if you feel guilty about being well off, be good and do something charitable.

Ah, but that wouldn't work, you see, because then I'd feel that I only did a good thing because I felt guilty about my life. When I do good things, it has to be just because I want to do a good thing.

(Did we learn nothing from 'Epiphany'? ;-)

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

yes but surely you must want to do good things automatically?
i mean, your need to do something good shouldn't necessarily arise out of a sense of guilt. though even if it did (and yes it'd be for the wrong reasons in many respects), a good thing is still a good thing.

lame example:
you buy a couple of cans of food for an animal shelter. you can still feel crap if the only reason you did it was to alleviate guilt. however, hungry animals still get much needed food. they aren't going to judge you :)

i'm not sure what this post is all about.

[hawleygriffen.livejournal.com]

What nat said. She rocks.
I tried to post something like this last night but wouldn't let me. Glad it didn't, since nat said it better. Motivations and intent are important in the bigger picture, and what that makes you morally, but at the end of the day, a good thing has still been done, and you don't know for sure that you wouldn't feel at all good about it. What's wrong with doing a good act to alleviate guilt? You think charities don't get any of their money from people who are motivated by that g-factor?

[despotliz.livejournal.com]

This is all starting to remind me of a philosophical argument I was hand (yes, I do sometimes have proper conversations :)) the gist of which went: there are no truly altruisitic actions. So you can never, eg, give money to charity without it being for your own personal good and well being. I disagreed with this, however it is a valid point. Even if you give money to charity becuase you want to and not to atone for having a wonderful life, you're still going to be getting some selfish pleasure from doing a good thing, so you may as well go ahead anyway.

Which is what Eve and Nat said, only I thought I'd say it again.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about having a nice life. Much of your post could quite happily apply to me, only with slightly more financial problems, and without the graduating bit :) Just be thankful and ready to help other people when they need it, is my advice.

[malenfant.livejournal.com]

yes but surely you must want to do good things automatically?

Sure I do. That's my point.

If I'm walking along the high street and decide to give five pounds to the woman collecting for save the children, just because I feel like it, I feel good. But if I'm walking along the high street feeling guilty about my life and decide to give her five pounds to alleviate that guilt, it doesn't work.

I've still done a good thing, but I don't feel good about it because I did it for myself, not for the recipient. Which is why Craig's suggestion of making myself feel better by going out and doing something good wouldn't work for me.

Better than being the 'charmless man'

[applez.livejournal.com]

yeah, I know what you mean on family, finance, job, Oxford, OUSFG. I shudder at the thought of the alternatives.

re: guilt for luck

"Wot?! Wot you worry about good fortune for?" (pulling bad Russian Jewish accent from hat)

Incidentally, besides the fact that you are nice guy which makes you likeable, it is your fundamental realisation of your luck and your humble approach to it that makes that much more likeable. So really Niall, it's no great puzzle why people like you! :-)

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Pikelet - well said! :-)

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All in all, reasons to be thankfully, not guilty.

Nil Romance

[applez.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, don't be worried about nil romance ... it's a very common experience, with a large Lonely Hearts Club with an ever-burgeoning population.

The theory is that as soon as you figure out many woman feel the same way, then asking them out becomes a far less emotionally perilous enterprise. I will emphasise this is theory however, the practice is still a mad house.