If We Live Together...

[coalescent]

"But don't you get lonely?" they sometimes ask.
"No, not really," I say.

Or they wonder: "don't you get a bit, well, bored?"
To which the answer is: "Nope. Not so much. I like living on my own."

In fact, I love living on my own. Right now, I don't think I'd share again for the world. It's coming up on a year since I moved into my flat, and the past twelve months have had their ups and downs, certainly, but in terms of where I'm living I think I'm as happy as I've ever been.

I prefer it to living in a student house, in that I have more peace and quiet and privacy and god knows, although my parents are great, that I prefer it to living at home. Living on a staircase in college comes close in terms of satisfaction; there I still had privacy, but the added bonus of friends immediately on hand. It loses out, though, by dint of the fact that my flat is mine, and not just rented.

Maybe I'm selfish. I freely admit the mine factor is a big part of the attraction; I don't have to keep it cleaner than I'm happy with, and I know where everything is in the kitchen because I put it there. Maybe I'm a natural control freak. I like knowing in advance when and where I'll see people; even unsolicited phone calls, welcome though they may be, can sometimes throw me off balance. And then again, maybe I'm just a loner. I read a lot, after all, and that's something of a solitary pursuit, and much as I love my friends I'm not sure there's anyone I could live with on a permanent basis.

And to be honest, I don't really feel alone. People come round for dinner on a regular basis, or I go to see them, and for those that live too far away there's livejournal and email and instant messaging and text messaging to help me keep in touch.

This is just how I feel, though, and moreover just how I feel at the moment. In twelve months, who knows?

And now, it's over to you:

[Poll #308609]
And I'd add to that: what's the best thing about your current situation? What's the worst thing about it?

EDIT: Man, I hate it when I get a typo in a poll.

EDIT2: Not only that, but I forgot the clicky! I am ashamed.

Comments

[communicator.livejournal.com]

You left out 'significant other and children' (I suppose that could be 'it's a full house', but I didn't think that was what you meant)

as a sociable person I find nuclear family living a bit frustrating sometimes, and wish it was supplemented by friends within easy walking distance: this is absolutely no reflection on my family, but on the fragmentation of suburban living

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

You left out 'significant other and children' (I suppose that could be 'it's a full house', but I didn't think that was what you meant)

No, it's not what I meant. Dammit! That should have been an option. I was still thinking in the student mindset, clearly. :)

as a sociable person I find nuclear family living a bit frustrating sometimes, and wish it was supplemented by friends within easy walking distance

I sometimes have to work quite hard not to begrudge my loved-up friends their relationships. One in particular has become very hard to get hold of since he moved in with his girlfriend.

[liv]

This post is almost word-for-word true for me too (except that I've been living alone for three years rather than one). Thanks for this post; it gives me a real sense of recognition.

[wg.livejournal.com]

I seem to be pretty good at living with someone, and enjoy it. But when i lived all on my own for a little more than a year, i loved it. Your own space is a wonderful thing, and while sharing with someone you go out with is fine, i couldn't do a house-share after uni.

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

Heh. By the same token, thanks for the comment; always good to know I'm not the only one! Maybe it's something that a biochemistry degree does to you? :)

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

I suppose my university house-sharing experience was somewhat more negative than the average, and that it may have strengthened my living-alone-is-the-way conviction...but I suspect I'd have tended this way anyway.

[tizzle-b.livejournal.com]

I said commune because it's more than a house at the moment - 12 person university housing - but not really fitting anywhere.

Some history.

[ang-grrr.livejournal.com]

I've owned my house for 10 years. In that time I lived along for approx. a year, had a lodger for 6 months, lived alone for another year, then had a lodger for 6 years. She moved out in Nov 2002.

Most of the time I like living alone but I do get rather lonely so spend a lot of time nipping to the pads or Caroline's for coffee. Plus I'm out quite a lot during the week anyway so I don't feel it much. I'm always happy to have people drop by but it doesn't happen often nowadays - the time I had Caroline with me the house was such a tip I was embarrassed to ask anyone round and now I'm out of the habit.

Caroline and I living together worked but only because it was my house and I am the neurotic one. I think it would work again if we had sufficient space - an ideal situation would be in two completely self contained flats :). I ticked other on the second half of your poll because things change from week to week. I know that if I'm off work, for instance, I find myself craving someone to talk to of an evening.

The best thing about my situation is that I can wander round indoors in whatever I like. The worst thing is having nobody to talk to about what is on the telly.

[hddod.livejournal.com]

Just me... plus robot dog, plus two cats soon, plus three birdies, plus bf who comes to stay sometimes... but basically just me myself and I :)

[talvalin.livejournal.com]

I'm currently living at home, due to various reasons such as laziness and not having any friends who want to rent (most live at home with parents and are quite happy to save money. I'm quite happy to blow that money I'm saving on more books). They don't charge me rent and do all the usual things like cook and clean for me, but they also nag me constantly about my books (is buying about 30 books a month normal for anyone reading this?), buying stuff, not saving money, not buying a house etc etc.

I think I'd like to live by myself because I keep odd hours, and I don't want to be in a situation where I feel pressured to spend time being social with my flatmate(s). I didn't have a bad time of university as such, and I loved the people I lived with in my final year, except for the minor fact that they often went to bed at 10pm whereas I'd be up until 1am. Oh, and their ideal Friday was spent in the pub as opposed to going out for a meal or seeing a film.

[wg.livejournal.com]

I had one mostly okay houseshare at uni, and one brilliant one the year after i graduated. It was me and Jane and two other girls, we had all been at school together, known each other well for at least 4/5 years. It was such a good, laid back house that i couldn't bear to share with strangers afterwards.

[colours.livejournal.com]

I hereby promise to attempt to stop teasing you about it. Honest ;o)

[elleblue.livejournal.com]

I really envy your living situation. While waking up to Dan's Leonard Cohen playing in the nextdoor bedroom was actually quite relaxing, there's a lot that drives me mad. I empathise with the control freakishness, and I like to be able to plan all the little things, which gets almost impossible when housemates decide it's their right to do stuff that encroaches on the rest of our living space, like being very loud, leaving junk all over the house to trip on, or saturating our cable modem bandwidth for the umpteenth time. These cause me daily stress and annoyance, especially the noise point. I'd really love somewhere that's mine (broody nesting instinct?), but for now, the ability to work and read in peace and quiet is the thing I want most :-)

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Why am I not convinced by this? :-p

[greengolux.livejournal.com]

What would your ideal living arrangements be, right now?

Ideally, a small flat of my own, in an area which is accessible to lots of my friends so they can all come and visit regularly. Sadly, this ain't gonna happen right now, so second choice is sharing with a friend who knows me well and respects my need for privacy/alone time, which should hopefully happen by September.

My best housing experiences have been the times I lived with friends at uni. The places I've been living (on my own) for the past year have had their down sides, but not necessarily to do with being there alone.

what's the best thing about your current situation?

I get lots of time on my own, which I do actually need. It's nice and quiet. It's cheap (OK, free). It's convenient.

What's the worst thing about it?

One of the reasons I'd want to live alone is to have my own personal space, and where I'm living now is emphatically not my space, so I don't feel all that comfortable in it. And although I need a certain amount of time on my own I do also like being able to see friends on a regular basis, which is tricky at the moment, and I do feel a bit isolated at times.

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

My houseshare wasn't bad because of the people directly - and for much of the time it was good. It just happened that one of them had a manic episode and had to be sectioned and well, that was unpleasant for all concerned.

Re: Some history.

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

I'm always happy to have people drop by

Despite what I said above about having control of my social life, I'd like to think that my friends would feel free to drop by if they're in the neihbourhood. I'd just appreciate a warning text message first, is all. :)

I think it would work again if we had sufficient space - an ideal situation would be in two completely self contained flats :).

Yeah, I think this is an important point. I probably wouldn't mind sharing if there was enough space involved!

The best thing about my situation is that I can wander round indoors in whatever I like.

In the past week's hot weather, I have come to appreciate this more than I did previously. :)

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

(is buying about 30 books a month normal for anyone reading this?)

No, but I wish it was. :-)

I had to give up buying DVDs and CDs almost entirely when I moved into my flat, and over the past few months I've been cutting down on books, too (although I admit it may not seem that way to the casual observer). I'm down to only five or six a month...

I think I'd like to live by myself because I keep odd hours

I did when I was a student but (more of necessity than anything else) I have to be relatively normal these days. Still, I agree that it's an advantage during holidays and such.

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

bandwidth

Yet another thing I'm glad I don't have to share! ;-)

(broody nesting instinct?)

The one part of my astrological profile that I think is accurate is that I'm somewhat houseproud. For all that I may sometimes not clean up as much as I should, I like looking after my flat, and I like playing host.

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

which should hopefully happen by September.

\o/

I get lots of time on my own, which I do actually need.

I get that. It's like...time to recharge. If I keep seeing my friends, and I haven't had time alone to think and absorb new stuff, I can start repeating myself with alarming rapidity. :)

I also agree that it can be a tricky balancing act.

[coalescent.livejournal.com]

You plus menagerie. Check.

Is that one of those Sony dogs?

[ang-grrr.livejournal.com]

One of the reasons I'd want to live alone is to have my own personal space, and where I'm living now is emphatically not my space, so I don't feel all that comfortable in it.
*nods* on returning from uni I lived with my parents for a couple of years and I was not very comfortable. Part of this was related to the change in the parent/child relationship but a lot of it was losing control of my own space.

It seems likely that I'll have to move back in with them in the future, at least for a little while, and I am not looking forward to it at all. I admire anybody who can come back and live with their parents comfortably once they've lived away for a while.

[despotliz.livejournal.com]

I have to elaborate in the comments, apparently. :)

Currently I live in uni accomodation. In first year this was a room in a house, randomly assigned, meaning I was sharing with some nice people who occasionally got drunk and noisy and played music at loud volumes.

Second year I moved into a house with lots of my friends, and we all had a lovely time leaving our doors open, and it was nice to always be able to find someone to chat to. But I ahd problems since I liked my room to be mine - I don't like friends coming in and fiddling with things and touching stuff and mucking about with my computer.

Now I live in a single room at the top of a corridor and it's lovely. Quiet and peaceful (unless someone is throwing up down the stairs which thankfully is rare), also there's no one to keep tabs on people coming and going.

Rambling aside - I'd really like to live in my own flat. Sadly this is not possible for the immediate future, since I will be back with parents. Although I don't find this too bad. Since I've finally decided I want to do masters/PhD type stuff, I think I'm going to be in uni accom/shared house for the next few years, which is fine as long as I share with nice people.

Yes, I'd love a cosy little flat with my SO and maybe some fluffy kittens, but this does not seem imminently likely either. :)

[tinyjo.livejournal.com]

I'm really really happy with my living arrangements right now, both in who I am sharing with and in terms of the place I'm living in (I love my house!). I don't think there's anyone else I'd want to long term share with apart from Alex though.

Re: Some history.

[despotliz.livejournal.com]

The best thing about my situation is that I can wander round indoors in whatever I like.

In the past week's hot weather, I have come to appreciate this more than I did previously. :)

AAAAAH the mental images.