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coalescentI spent this afternoon and evening in Oxford, because two of my friends were graduating. Rachel and Veronica both read biochemistry at St Hilda's; Rachel is also the girlfriend of Ollie, with whom I went to school, and who later read biochemistry at St John's. Rachel should not be confused with Rachel, who was the other biochemist at Magdalen, and who is currently doing a PGCE based near Oxford, but who didn't manage to turn up at all this evening.
Anyway.
A good time was had by all, although working out somewhere to eat was something of a struggle, involving moving between three bars and two restaurants. But I was left with a very strong feeling of wanting to go back to Oxford. And I always told myself that would be a mistake, because it wouldn't be the same when I wasn't a student - but this evening I realised something: I don't want it to be the same. I want what's next. I want to be independent, to have a job I truly enjoy and to live in a city that I love.
What really brought all this home to me was Rachel. Out of all of us there, she's the one that's no longer a student. Part of that is that she was dressed better than anyone else. Rachel is one of those girls you're supposed to find beautiful: tall, leggy, curvy and all the rest. She does nothing for me. But tonight, she looked (for want of a better word) elegant. Striking. She looked like a young career woman.
So that was part of it. But the rest of it was in her attitude. Rachel never really knew what she wanted to do after she'd finished her degree. At one point she was going to do medicine, then she was going to work for L'Oreal, then it was teach and now she's ended up working in the lab of her tutor as an X-ray crystallographer - and whilst it's not like this is suddenly making her life complete, she's enjoying it. She clearly likes having a focus - she even said she'd started thinking of it as a 'challenge'.
I want that, I think. Not the science; but I want the job, the lifestyle, the purpose. I've been saying all along that this bookshop thing is temporary, that I'm going to move on in the new year and find something more permanent. Now I mean it.
And I needed to get that written down before the feeling of motivation wore off. :-)
Anyway.
A good time was had by all, although working out somewhere to eat was something of a struggle, involving moving between three bars and two restaurants. But I was left with a very strong feeling of wanting to go back to Oxford. And I always told myself that would be a mistake, because it wouldn't be the same when I wasn't a student - but this evening I realised something: I don't want it to be the same. I want what's next. I want to be independent, to have a job I truly enjoy and to live in a city that I love.
What really brought all this home to me was Rachel. Out of all of us there, she's the one that's no longer a student. Part of that is that she was dressed better than anyone else. Rachel is one of those girls you're supposed to find beautiful: tall, leggy, curvy and all the rest. She does nothing for me. But tonight, she looked (for want of a better word) elegant. Striking. She looked like a young career woman.
So that was part of it. But the rest of it was in her attitude. Rachel never really knew what she wanted to do after she'd finished her degree. At one point she was going to do medicine, then she was going to work for L'Oreal, then it was teach and now she's ended up working in the lab of her tutor as an X-ray crystallographer - and whilst it's not like this is suddenly making her life complete, she's enjoying it. She clearly likes having a focus - she even said she'd started thinking of it as a 'challenge'.
I want that, I think. Not the science; but I want the job, the lifestyle, the purpose. I've been saying all along that this bookshop thing is temporary, that I'm going to move on in the new year and find something more permanent. Now I mean it.
And I needed to get that written down before the feeling of motivation wore off. :-)
